Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Please Don't Leave Me Mama!

Why is it that kids choose the most crowded places to yell out embarrassing things?  Like Trader Joe's on a Friday afternoon.  What the hell possessed me to be a Trader Joe's on a Friday afternoon is beyond me.  Now here's the thing about Trader Joe's (great grocer by the way)  their carts are small.  Insanely small. This meant Tiny Tot had to walk or ride on the front of the cart.  How in the world is a Mother of 2 or more supposed to shop without strapping her kids down to the cart?  Personally, if I can strap my kids down to something I do.  Not only for their safety, but for my sanity.  Tiny chose to ride on the front of the cart wearing his rat (which is his beautiful baby blanket turned nasty) as a superman cape.  This makes me nervous because the cart is so small that means seat in the front is ridiculously small and doesn't hold Baby Lulu's car seat properly.  So, the cart is pretty unstable.  This means I have to pick out the groceries, constantly have a hold on the car seat and watch Tiny Tot at the same time.  Who is busy running around saying 'I want this Mama' and throwing random things in my cart.  TRADER JOE'S FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR NICELY STACKED JO JO COOKIE DISPLAY PLEASE GET BIGGER CARTS!!!

Anyway, I'm moving through the aisles at a pretty rapid 90 miles and hour.  I can actually see the breezing going through Tiny Tot's hair at the front of the cart.  Baby Lulu's big eyes are even bigger then usual and for once she's not screaming in public. I'm not sure if she was enjoying the ride or waiting for me to spontaneously com bust from the stress of it all.  I slow the cart briefly and Tiny chooses this moment to hop off.  I'm still moving pretty quickly and clip the back of his little heels.  Naturally he goes flying down the aisle.  He pops up immediately and yells out 'Sorry Mom Sorry.'  of course people are looking.  I calmly tell him that he needs to let me know when he's planning on hopping off so I don't mow him down.  He's busy looking at whatever intrigues a 3 year old when I'm about to move to the next aisle.  I'm trying to get his attention but naturally he's not listening.  Finally, I say 'Ok I'm leaving'  well that got his attention.  His eyes got real big and watery and he started screaming 'PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME MAMA PLEASE!'  In this terrified voice.  As if I've I'd left him before!  I was speechless!  I glanced around the aisle at the other patrons and EVERY eyeball was on me.  I swear one lady was dialing DCFS!  I'm thinking 'look lady does he look neglected?  He's dragging a $60 Little Giraffe blanket on the ground of a Trader Joe's.'  I motion him over and say 'Tiny I have never left you and never would.' Loud enough for all the lookie-e-loos to hear  I skipped the rest of my grocery list and go the hell outta there.

1 comment:

  1. Keep it up, lady. I'm keeping a close eye on you and your child-neglect "skillz." And naturally I KNOW BETTER, because I DON'T HAVE KIDS :)